I am a metal man

With a heart frozen and canned.

So I refuse to die

And with sheer will I will survive.

Let me out of this concrete cage;

See how fast I get back to my old ways.

Once the fires have smouldered down to ashes,

See me light my own and reignite the furnaces.

I keep running out of fuel and fodder.

I need to feed my greed, hatred and anger.

After all, who will I become if I don’t soon resume

My relentless strife to more own and consume?

#

I am a human being

With a soul tucked away deep within.

But now I yearn again to live

And in myself to reseek belief.

Around my mind to think narrow and small

I was the one who build these high walls.

Long before any unseen enemy found power,

I was the one choking myself to death, only slower.

I muster within me hope, faith, love and courage.

I cremate with the departed my greed, hatred and rage.

After all, why did I survive if I go back and resume

That relentless strife to more own and consume?

#

We are now at a fork in the road.

The choice that we make shall not be ours alone.

Our children will reap fruits from seeds that today we sow.

In a world full of death and hate or life and love will they grow?

This morning I woke up,

Switched on my computer

And felt like setting a ‘poetry-wallpaper’ on my desktop.

For some reason,

Google Search displayed only Urdu poetry.

I couldn't understand any

But, sincerely, wished that I could.

#

My friends whisper in my ears – yes – virtually.

They tell me these images are not real poetry.

No, I don’t ask, “What is real?”

But reply abstractedly,

“It sure does the job, after all I was amazed

And elated, albeit, ignorantly.

I watered the little sapling

Dreaming of a cool and shaded tomorrow

And the fruits that, someday, I may reap off it,

Forgetting that the young one was just a subtle herb.

I bit into the juicy fruit

Aspiring health and wellness eternal,

While worrying too about its unknown origins,

Forgetting, in the process, to savour its taste.

I hurried on and on, on the endless busy road,

Squeezing through to make it before everyone else,

As if racing the very earth and time itself,

Forgetting to look around, staying ever unaware.

I’ve lived through many relations

Some - with casual dedication, others - responsibly,

Ever awaiting a perfect life full of perfect people,

Forgetting to live the little moments that were life too, in fact.

I laid bricks upon bricks

Raising my walls higher than my neighbours’,

Seeking to build a tower that reached heavens,

Forgetting that I only needed a house with a roof.

Here I am, back at it again
Playing with the frayed hems
Scratching open healed wounds
Pulling those old heartstrings

I am listening to that song again
With the intro that wouldn't end
I am searching the right words again
To describe what I cant understand

I cant see clear and straight again
Loving the fog and haze again
With both my hands outstretched
I'm waiting to be reached out again

Overflowing my poor heart again
Trying to see the way I used to again
Starting the incomplete story again
Here I am, back at it again

I never came up and said hi,
Never did you too smile back.
And that was that to our story,
It never began never did it end.

For this today I truly apologise
To you and to you and to all of you,
For having once dreamt a life
And now living an entirely another.

I fall in love quite easily
And just as easily move on too,
With a name, a face and a few wishes
Bundled up as memories cherished.

For this today I truly apologise
To you and just to you alone,
Not for living the best dream with me
But for being the one yet the last.

I see the surface of sea,
I see knowledge and acceptance.
And yet I sense, underneath,
An enigma that is the ocean.

A sense of understanding,
With clarity and consciousness,
Followed by proper planning,
The future I've thus devised to face.

Always, yet, something there is
That makes me shift my steady gaze
From path that I have readied
Towards an unknown mysterious maze.

I break the calm of surface
And take a plunge into the deeps.
A thought yet in my mind stays,
'I'll have to in time come up to breathe.'

I feel a hole inside me,
An emptiness reborn.
Not much unlike a long lost war
That was fated to be won.

I dig and dig within me,
To free this wretched thing
That despite all my best efforts
To die, keeps on denying.

Today I've found you again
And freed you from this shell.
New life I hope for you my friend,
The best of my care as well.

I've been down many roads,
Called a lot of places home.
Made more than a few friends
Intending to forget none.

Words may live forever,
Ink has a life of it's own.
My letters have lost all meaning,
The messenger goes on and on.

My clock keeps on ticking,
Night gives way to dawn.
The old unwilling to wither
Wishing to see the new born.

I closed my eyes and opened up my heart
Threw my hands up in the air and said I love you
You chuckled out aloud and shook your head
Threw your arms around me and hugged real tight
You stepped back a bit and I held your hands
You looked into my eyes and I stared back
You shook your head again and turned around
I stood there and watched you walk away
I stood still for a while and then laughed out loud
And that's when I saw YOU just passing by
I called out aloud and asked your name
You stopped surprised and asked who was I
I closed my eyes and opened up my heart

I go many places
I walk many roads
Life's a bit down-trodden
A little fetid and a tad worn

But I keep moving
Going where my feet take me
But lately something's been a-prickling
A thorn now deeper a-poking

It's the truth I've stepped over
And choices I shouldn't have heeled to
The many lines I've toed over
And promises I should've stood up to

But I tread on
Patched, frayed and torn
Not a life I'd really choose
But lately I've just become my shoes

I'm looking for you.
I suppose for a reason or two.
Maybe I need something
Or perhaps I want to give.

In any case all I ask is
To remember it's about me.
Yes I'm seeking you but
Only then sought let yourself be.

I ran out of time
And out of my world
I walked right off the edge
Onto an unknown another one
Where bits and pieces
Of bits and pieces larger
Floated around
Round and round
Square, triangle and round
Yes I was dreaming
As if I could've
Yes then I would've
Held on to everything
Tighter and closer
But I ran out of time

Everything now adds up to about less than nothing.
Insignicant is now what used to be the best of me.

It took me long to learn to cherish what I had in hand,
What I had in hand didn't take too long to turn and leave.

You, my friend, had always everywhere held my hand.
I knew this wouldn't last forever and you too'll leave.
But in wake of that did you really have to amputate me?

Don't worry, I'll survive, I'll see these days through too.
I'm sorry. What was that? O! That doesn't really suit you?

I'll leave this house, this street, this town if that's your wish.
Yes yes, I'll clean up too before I hand over the keys.

And you sir, you there, standing and trying to judge me
If I'm giving up or breaking down or just stepping aside
Don't stress yourself, forget everything and move on. Really.

I spent more time than that was needed
Cleaning up the soot in the lamp niche,
The bit that stuck in the corners,
The bit that had grown stubborn in time.

I eventually got it all out
And marvelled at the now clean niche.
I then sighed and turned around to see
All the ash that once was my home.

Keep walking along the wall
Feeling it's rough endlessness
In your outstretched seeking hands.
Confirm your trap in this darkness.

Sometimes you just know
That you'll only in vain scream.
Sometimes you just can't.
But seldom is this moment it.

The void doesn't offer much safety.
But then the wall didn't much either.
It's more an option than a choice really.
Only it takes a tad more courage

You truly know you're on your own
After only a couple of steps within.
The void did have some answers, see?
Now all you have to do is open your eyes.

The reluctant assassin
Picked up his gun again.
No. He wouldn't - couldn't do it.
Not because he swore any oath
But 'cuz his hands shook.

Take care of himself
He didn't want this way.
But this was his job,
Thus he earnt his bread.
Bang! He shot himself.

Swirly lights and loud drums
welcomed him at last -
Faint heart beats and ICU lights.
And after all lived on
The reluctant assassin.

"You'll never have if you want it too bad."
And there are several ways to say it.
And yet more and more each every moment
I want it, need it, seek it, desire it.

"You're only human to want evermore."
And there are several ways to say it.
But it's not wealth, health, power or fame
Too trivial yet my heart does require it.

"Ain't nothing there like whole and complete truth."
And there are several ways to say it.
Do as best as you can and tell me why
The gun, you yourself did not fire it.

"I would have if... if I could have"

And yet I did just such a thing

Taking out that leftover taste

I eyed it with much scrutiny

To discover its bitter origins

For hours its surface I prodded

I sliced it, sectioned it, starched it

Until finally I found it

The truth albeit hit me bit hard

Like stench stronger than expected

A memory it only was

Tagged and stored "Bad, Forget it."

Twice I walked the endless road
And thrice missed out the tree
Fourth time pointed out a toad,
"Buy five, get six trees free!"

"I'll buy seven just tell me how."
I asked times eight politely
On ninth he said, "Yes but not now."
Ten more to sow yet had he!

A thousand headed monster with a million eyes
Or a gaol of stars that've fallen from the skies
Freedom to whom a mighty Comet-Hunter denies
- Just more unbelieved truths or well believed lies